Skin Stained Violet
by CaptainAmericaZombieFish
Summary: One-shot about depressed Eridan. If you don't like blood, don't read. If you don't like self harm, don't read. If you don't like swearing, don't read. Slightly Erisol.
**Angsty one-shot I wrote a while ago. Please be aware that this contains self-harm and depression/feelings of worthlessness, so if you aren't ok reading that sort of stuff then you should probably give this one a miss. I've just uploaded this fic to ao3 under the same name (author name RavenOfTheMoore) if you'd prefer to read it there. I am also in the process of writing a second chapter, which I will post both here and on ao3, but this will probably take me a while. I don't want to rush it and give you guys something that isn't on level with the first chapter, so please be patient with me on that. I will upload chapter two as soon as I'm happy with it. Anyway, enjoy.**

You shiver, but it's not from the cold. As a sea dweller you have an altogether lower body temperature, so the cold walls of the meteor don't really bother you. You shiver because you are scared.

The smooth stone presses against your back as you slide down it, breath tripping through your lips. Nobody wants you. You know that now. You'd always known that you had little luck in your quadrants; even to you could see that. But now you know that no one even wants to be near you. And you're scared. Scared of what this newfound information might do to you.

Previously you had had something to cling to, something that would stop you from cutting that little bit deeper. The thought that someone out there cared. Thinking that even when you had lost all hope, someone on this gogforsaken meteor would care if you were gone. But now you're not so sure. Doubt creeps across your mind as you remember the looks in their eyes as you left. The unified hate that surrounded your every move, every breath. And suddenly you have no more reasons. You're clinging to the hope that you're wrong, that somebody /does/ care. But that hope is quickly running out.

You lift yourself from the floor, your unstable footing threatening to send you back down. You take a deep breath and make your way over to your mirror. Only when you gaze blankly into the reflective surface do you notice the streaks running down your face. You hastily wipe them away.

* * *

The next morning (not that time is relevant on the meteor, it's always dark) you rise slowly, trying to ease the amount of pain spread across your chest. You plod gingerly over to the mirror to examine your fresher marks. A thicker cut across your side seems to have bled in the night, causing a trail of deep violet to streak across your stomach. You curse under your breath, carefully trying to wipe it off, but giving up when it becomes obvious that your skin is stained with the stuff. You sigh deeply, an action that causes you to wince in pain. Despite all this you pull on your usual long sleeve t-shirt and pants, and carefully wrap yourself in your scarf and cape. You slip on your shoes and stand facing the door to your respite block, straightening your posture before stepping out. You can feel one of your many wounds reopen at the movement, and pray the blood won't show on your top as you feel it seep into the fabric. However, you don't stop once, striding into the 'kitchen' without so much as a wince.

One of the Striders is already there, the one with the pointy shades. You think his name's Dirk. He appears to be making what the humans call "coffee". Terezi is lounging on one of the sofas in the joined living quarters, and feferi sits across from her, her head resting on Sol's shoulder. You quickly look away and head for the refrigeration unit, hoping not to be noticed. It's no use.

"hey fiithdick, there'th nothiing iin there for you"

You brace yourself, waiting for the punchline that's sure to come.

"ii thiink you'll fiind the food to the riight more two your taste"

You glance to the right.

There's a rubbish bin.

You huff.

"oh ii'm thorry your majethty, iis that not good enough for you? ii'm thure ii can find you thomething more appetithing printheth, let me juth check the bottom of my thoe."

You feel your face colour as Terezi snickers. Your knuckles are pale from clutching the refridgerator door. It takes all that you have to force yourself to loosen your grip.

As you try to scour the food in front of you, the other Strider walks in, his hair slightly mussed up on one side. You reckon he's just woken up. You catch his eye and his face wrinkles up slightly - an expression you've come to realise is disgust - as he turns to Dirk.

"Dude can I get in on some of that coffee? I think I'm still asleep, I seem to be having a nightmare where I walk into the kitchen and there's a pompous asshole raiding the fridge."

You try taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm yourself, but the action sends a sudden stabbing sensation shooting through your side, causing you to quietly hiss out in pain. Dirk's eyes are instantly on you, and see his gaze flick down to your side, where your shirt is starting to take on a purple tinge as it's plastered to your side in blood. You think you see him frown - you might have just imagined it - as he opens his mouth.

"Are you-"

Of course Vriska chooses that moment to enter the room.

"Did something die in here or is that just Eridan I smell?"

You flee, pushing past Vriska as Feferi's giggles chase you down the hall, barely making it to your respite block before the tears start to fall.

* * *

It's been three days since the event in the kitchen and you haven't left your respite block once. Although the worse of your cuts have healed enough to stop bleeding, new ones make sure to trail purple down your ashen skin. You are weak with hunger, having exhausted the small supply of food within your respite block. As much as you'd like to continue to hide away, you are painfully aware that you are going to need to get more food.

Which means leaving the safety of your respite block. Which means having to face more insults.

You drag yourself from the floor where you were lying. Every inch of you burns as you try to regain some balance and make your way over to your cape. The only reason you wear it now is to hide the bloodstains on the back of your shirts.

* * *

It's awfully quiet as you make your way down the corridor. You have no idea what time it is (the humans decided to create a time construct a while ago, which is kept by Dave) and it occurs to you that you've probably only slept about two hours since you last left your respite block. You are quickly aware as you pass a particularly reflective pipe that you look as though you haven't slept for days. Somehow you can't bring yourself to care. Your only hope is that everyone else is currently asleep and that you can make this trip in peace.

Of course, hoping never did get you anywhere. You walk into the kitchen to find the majority of the inhabitants of the meteor.

Well, fuck.

You're pretty sure the only people missing are Nepeta and Equius, Kanaya, Rose, and Gamzee, who is lurking somewhere in the vents. All thoughts of a peaceful trip leave your mind to be replaced by another singular thought; You hope you can leave here in one piece. Only the thought of food keeps you moving forward, further into the room. You think everyone was playing a game of some sort. Not that it matters now, because as soon as you walk in everyone turns their attention to you. You shuffle further into the kitchen.

Suddenly the silence is broken.

"Who the hell invited him here?"

It hardly surprises you that Vriska is the first to speak.

"1t w4snt m3!" Terezi interjects.

You cough lightly, muttering something about getting food. Dave is quick to respond.

"nobody wants you here fishface so you better hurry it up"

You frown slightly, sparing him a glance. His stoic face stares back.

"LOOK, ARE YOU GOING TO BE LONG? IM TRYING TO BEAT CAPTOR AND YOUR FUCKING UGLY FACE IS DISTRACTING ME"

You spin round.

You can't take this anymore.

"...Excuse me?"

"I SAID FUCK OFF, YOUR UNWANTED PRESENCE IS DISTRACTING ME"

That makes you tense, your earfins flaring up slightly.

"Howw dare you speak to me like that, you fuckin lowwblood!"

It hurts to have Karkat say that to you. He was your friend once.

"he'th only thaying that no one wantth you, that'th nothiing new. you'll get over iit." Sollux rolls his eyes as the words pass through his lips.

Your mind freezes. You'll get over it?

"I'll...?"

The anger washes over you in a sudden, unexpected wave, gripping at your heart as it burns through your lungs.

"I'LL GET OVVER IT?!" you yell, tearing off your cape and scarf.

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE SOMEFIN I'LL GET OVVER?!"

Your shirt joins the previously removed clothing on the floor, revealing your battered body. You're quaking now, both from anger and fear, as the gravity of what you've just done seeps into your mind. Everyone can see them. Every scratch, every bruise, every cut. It's all laid out for the world to see and you can't take it back.

You've never felt so exposed.

Sollux just stares at you, wide eyes roaming your torso and coming to rest on the thin scars on your neck. You can feel everyone else's eyes on you too. Your heart feels like it's being wrung out by fear as you try to decide whether or not to run.

"...why?" he finally asks. You don't think he even realises he's uttered it out loud. You answer him anyway.

"i can't deal wwith it! i can't fuckin' deal wwith the nevver endin' shit that is dealt my wway an' all i evver get is hate an' it just nevver stops and i can't-"

You feel the tears streaming down your face now, and your knees shake with the effort of standing up. You sink to the floor, bringing your hands up to your face as you sob. You don't even care anymore. Your dignity is out the window and you look weak and you don't even care. Because you are weak, and it makes no difference if anyone sees that now. You have nothing else to lose.

You feel more than see someone join your side. Their arms snake gentle around your body, attempting to avoid all the marks. It hurts anyway.

"ii'm tho thorry" is all you hear, but your thinkpan can't make the words make sense. You're so far gone that you can't even feel the rough ground digging into your knees.

You sob until the tears run out and your eyes sting. Then, from both fatigue and pain, you pass out.


End file.
